mornings

I hate mornings. I've always tried to play it off like i don't, but I do. I'm a grizzly bear when i wake up. Don't mess with me until I've had some coffee and breakfast! Will I ever change? I don't think so...I can stay up late at night and seem to get a boost of energy then, so what do I do with all of this information? I've had a reality check and don't know what to do about it. John even sets up his ipod to wake us up to music that we like. What a sweetie!

I've decided to TRY to not be grumpy in the morning, but idealistically I will be groggy. How do you make it work when your husband is a morning person, and you're a night person?! Questions to ponder.

I don't want a nap!

When I told Zach that he was going to take a nap today (he only takes them every couple of days), he started to whine and ask "Why?" Then as I walked him to the bathroom to pee before he went to bed the whining turned to tears. I knew for sure that he needed to take a nap because of the way he responded. It was a battle getting him in bed. As his tears kept falling down his cheeks like big drops of rain, his demeanor turned to anger. He was mad that I was making him take a nap. I was telling him to do something that he didn't want to do.

Then it was like God told me "you're like that with Me." Sometimes God tells me something and I get angry. I don't like what He has to say about it or His plan. Why is it necessary to go through this?

I had this friend and we were supposed to plan a party together. Then one day she came up and handed me an envelope. I opened it and it was THE party invitation...Whoa? I had not been included in any part of the planning, and the sad part of it was that I couldn't even attend. So, I went from wanting to be highly invested in the party, to not even being able to GO to the party. My emotions quickly moved from disappointed to angry. I couldn't believe what she had done. I felt deceived and grew bitter in my heart.

Everytime someone would mention the party something snapped in me and my heart filled with anger. I knew what I had to do. I had to talk with my friend about how she made me feel. I dislike confrontation. I thought the feelings would just go away on their own. In the scheme of things, it's just a party and it won't matter in 5 years. I told myself to just get over it. I tried to think good things about my friend. "She was just trying to help." "She knew I'd be busy so she planned it herself."

God has been speaking to me about guarding my heart and I knew I needed to forgive my friend and also remove anger and selfishness. I still didn't want to tell her, because I was afraid of how she would view me. I just couldn't.

When Zach woke up from his nap, he was smiling and more cheerful. He felt better because he rested. He was able to enjoy the rest of the day. His head was clear and he was full of energy. He didn't trip and fall like he usually did when he was tired. He didn't make the mistakes he would have made if he hadn't had that nap.

And the same is true with me. If I would stop complaining or resisting God's plan, things would go smoother.

So I had my friend over one evening. We talked. I shared with her what's been going on in my heart. She apologized over and over again. I forgave her and we are better friends because of it. This situation brought us closer because I chose to follow God's plan. I felt the anger slip away and forgiveness flood in my heart.

I slept great that night thanks to a God who loves me.

He's crazy about us.

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

He loves us more than we love ourselves.

He is our creator, so He knows and understands our needs better than we do.

So....."take a nap" and wake up changed!

the source of life

I've been listening to podcasts lately - highly recommend it! Andy Stanley's podcasts from North Point Community Church to be exact. You can find his podcasts at:

Andy Stanley podcast

This blog is about the series "It Came From Within" part 1


He talks about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION- people who monitor their behavior through what society or even a "christian filter" says how to behave. Some of us are guilty of teaching our kids this way. We tell them how to behave in public, at the dinner table, and how to relate to others. We teach them things that are acceptable (or unacceptable) to say to others. And then if they don't act a certain way we punish them. I'm not saying it's bad to teach right and wrong, but what's our approach?

Yet, they keep doing the same things over and over to get into trouble. We can't seem to fix the problem. It's because we're (they're) trying to change our behavior, without changing our hearts.

It all comes from your heart.

I think about many times God talks about our hearts. For where your treasure is, there is your heart also... What comes out of our mouths is directly from our heart...

It has to start with us. We need to realize/model this truth in our own lives, before we can teach our kids.

Are we monitoring our behavior or monitoring our hearts?

Here are some questions that I've been asking myself (from Andy Stanley)

Is everything OK in my heart?

Am I mad at anybody?

Do things come out of my mouth and I wonder where it came from?

Have I secretly celebrated someone else's failure?

Is there a question that I hope no one asks me?


Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart. For it is the wellspring (source) of life.

only you

You are the only mom (or dad) that your kids have.

In the beginning...

So...
I've decided to start blogging...like (what it seems like) the rest of the world. My reason for starting this healthy habit is because of some reflection time I had while my husband was out of town. It's October (already-where has the year gone?) and I was evaluating the year. I was asking myself questions like:

Overall where am I with God compared to the beginning of the year?
How did I grow? or fall?
Would I consider this a good year?

I did some serious evaluation and I believe that this year has been a "just getting by" year with God. It's been blah, not much movement or change, and of course it's on my end not God's.

So my next question for myself would be....Why? Why did this happen? I realized that I am not a part of a small group or even a serving team. I have my group of girls whom I love, but we don't talk or get together enough to have consistent accountability that stimulates a growing relationship with Christ. Huh?!

Yes, one of the primary ways I move closer to God is through close interaction with people who love Him. I hear great stories of God's movement and our conversation moves me to know Him more deeply and hunger for more.

So why this blog? I've also realized that with so much access to media (TV, movies, and internet) that I am not allowing any quiet or reflective time. This blog will hopefully encourage me to think about life, where I am, and let me reflect. So I don't come to the end of another year and say "Ewww....not a good year for me."